How we can help our grandchildren
In an increasingly online world
One of the world’s foremost authorities on child mental health today warns that technology is threatening child development by disrupting the crucial learning relationship between adults and children. Peter Fonagy, who has published more than 500 scientific papers and 19 books, warns that the digital world is reducing contact time between the generations - a development with potentially damaging consequences.
An enthusiast for how technology can help people with mental health issues access resources and get help, Fonagy - who also advises the Department of Health and the NHS - said the advent of smartphones and social media nevertheless meant that today’s environment is now far more complex for young people to negotiate.
“My impression is that young people have less face-to-face contact with older people than they once used to. The socialising agent for a young person is another young person, and that’s not what the brain is designed for.
It is designed for a young person to be socialised and supported in their development by an older person. Families have fewer meals together as people spend more time with friends on the internet. The digital is not so much the problem - it’s what the digital pushes out. It’s a difficult time for kids. We should equip them to be more resilient to the environment they are under.” Fonagy said that the looser connection between children and adults had been happening since the Second World War, but the shift had become more pronounced in recent years. Today’s society, he said, puts more responsibility on children to determine their future on their own without giving them the necessary support to make crucial decisions about their lives.
“We tell them to get into a good university or their life is hardly worth living. We tell them, ‘it’s all up to you’ But we’re not giving them a choice. We’re not saying ‘let’s look at a number of career choices you could have or what would you enjoy’. It’s a difficult time for kids. We don’t appreciate it as much as we should. We should equip them better to be more resilient to the environment that they are under.”
Have a special activity that you can do with your grandchild on a regular basis.
Find something that your grandchild enjoys - try fishing, bird watching, going to football games or watching your team on TV, board games, geocaching, baking or jigsaw puzzles.
Talk to their parents about being included in their normal routine
Can you take them to basketball practice each week? Can you go over and cook dinner once a week? Can you walk them to school?
Organise a sleepover during the school holidays
Each time the term comes to an end, invite the kids for a fun sleepover to celebrate!
Learn to Skype or Facetime on your phone
Kids love their technology, so you are going to have to learn to speak their language! Ask them to teach you how to use Skype or Facetime on your phone, so that they can call you, and you can call them, to share what you are doing.
An enthusiast for how technology can help people with mental health issues access resources and get help, Fonagy - who also advises the Department of Health and the NHS - said the advent of smartphones and social media nevertheless meant that today’s environment is now far more complex for young people to negotiate.
“My impression is that young people have less face-to-face contact with older people than they once used to. The socialising agent for a young person is another young person, and that’s not what the brain is designed for.
It is designed for a young person to be socialised and supported in their development by an older person. Families have fewer meals together as people spend more time with friends on the internet. The digital is not so much the problem - it’s what the digital pushes out. It’s a difficult time for kids. We should equip them to be more resilient to the environment they are under.” Fonagy said that the looser connection between children and adults had been happening since the Second World War, but the shift had become more pronounced in recent years. Today’s society, he said, puts more responsibility on children to determine their future on their own without giving them the necessary support to make crucial decisions about their lives.
“We tell them to get into a good university or their life is hardly worth living. We tell them, ‘it’s all up to you’ But we’re not giving them a choice. We’re not saying ‘let’s look at a number of career choices you could have or what would you enjoy’. It’s a difficult time for kids. We don’t appreciate it as much as we should. We should equip them better to be more resilient to the environment that they are under.”
So what can you do?
Have a special activity that you can do with your grandchild on a regular basis.
Find something that your grandchild enjoys - try fishing, bird watching, going to football games or watching your team on TV, board games, geocaching, baking or jigsaw puzzles.
Talk to their parents about being included in their normal routine
Can you take them to basketball practice each week? Can you go over and cook dinner once a week? Can you walk them to school?
Organise a sleepover during the school holidays
Each time the term comes to an end, invite the kids for a fun sleepover to celebrate!
Learn to Skype or Facetime on your phone
Kids love their technology, so you are going to have to learn to speak their language! Ask them to teach you how to use Skype or Facetime on your phone, so that they can call you, and you can call them, to share what you are doing.